i seriously want to not think about all these. thinking only seems to make it more real, if it isn't real enough already. maybe that prototype is one which no other in the world can fulfill. heck, i don't want to type anymore.
this issue in my life has done wonders for my self-esteem. the self-confidence which has been built up slowly and steadily from secondary school. with one single complex, multi-faceted issue, this so-called esteem is going to the dogs now. no. it had gone to the dogs and back. many times. but i fear this will be the last. its final cry as it disappears into the doldrums for eternity.

angsty indignance. frustrated resignation.
crushing disappointment. painful anguish.

i wish i'm mentally handicapped. wait. make it mentally and emotionally handicapped.