be like water

on patience

2011-07-18T13:14:00.002+08:00

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato

this too shall pass

2010-03-16T19:13:00.005+08:00

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

It's just a moment
This time will pass

-- Stuck In A Moment, U2

2010-03-08T11:55:00.000+08:00

"I’ve got a taste of glory, the ticket, but where is my train?"

"C’est vraiment doux d’être folle."

2009-11-27T23:36:00.003+08:00

"How do you calculate a departure?
Not by the hours or minutes but a moment.
An instant when the decision was made.
To leave."

- Beautiful words from the publicity material for Where are the Children?

2008-11-22T15:16:00.004+08:00

This sighing lateness; a postmodern liminality.
This is where I am.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Mark Twain

2008-11-11T23:39:00.001+08:00

I need 25 November 2008. 7pm.

2008-10-19T02:39:00.003+08:00

解不出的所以然。但绝对不是空虚吧。
因为枕头套湿透了。

2008-10-14T03:22:00.001+08:00

女生爱穿高跟鞋，为的不是要和男生平起平坐。
而是在反地吸引力时，有男生细心牵着。
在不符合人体龚学的范围，体验自然的爱。

2008-09-22T11:50:00.002+08:00

"I'm sorry, Diminishing Memories is sold out."

买不到票的感觉
第一次。

[加场了，票到手了。]

2008-09-20T02:12:00.003+08:00

"I'm a connoisseur of roads.
I've been tasting roads my whole life. This road will never end. It probably goes all around the world."
- Mike Waters, My Own Private Idaho

And I revisited Frost.

2008-09-12T00:03:00.004+08:00

click on image to enlarge

2008-06-20T04:40:00.006+08:00

A Belated Non-Event.

[credits: seen on O's blog. he probably (edit: indeed) got it off PostSecret.]

2008-05-25T02:15:00.001+08:00

时间冲淡
时间加深

他妈的时间到底干吗?

2008-05-22T04:49:00.004+08:00

She ain't heavy, she's my sister.

姐，生日快乐。

2008-05-21T02:35:00.001+08:00

在群人中，他很突出。那种一枝独秀并非闪闪耀眼，却是因静静的纯压抑、郁闷而感人。

他很突出。因为他的外表。因为他的哲学。
因为他的尴尬。

他很突出。

因为他的寂寞。

2008-05-19T03:01:00.002+08:00

You wonder if you remember how to love.

2008-04-11T18:12:00.002+08:00

So I was looking for quotes on food, and came across these:

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. ~Alfred E. Newman

Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. ~Robert Byrne

We think fast food is equivalent to pornography, nutritionally speaking. ~Steve Elbert

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars. ~Charles Kuralt

Hunger is the best sauce in the world. ~Cervantes

An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~Will Rogers

2008-04-05T03:29:00.006+08:00

朋友的 MSN nick ：

幸福的开始就是放手去爱
（这是林俊杰、金沙《期待爱》里的一句词。）

我的“回复”：

放手的代价就是信任伤痛

2008-02-29T01:17:00.004+08:00

二月二十九。
四年一次的日子。

包涵的是人类文明后，自作聪明后，的深领悟。
领悟后，还是硬把宇宙塞进规规矩矩的文明。

2008-02-17T23:04:00.003+08:00

这年头我家的一段经典对话。

这辈子第一次在外用年夜饭。大哥大嫂安排的菜色简直直逼满汉全席。饭后上车没几分钟我忍不住叫了一句。 “ 我真的好饱好饱啊！”

妈： “哈哈！你小时候吃完饭我问‘饱了吗？’ 你都爱把衣服拉起来然后说 ‘饱饱！’ 我只好摸摸你肚子说 ‘好，把衣拉回去。’ ”

我：！！！

长辈们念旧所以爱把往事加岩加醋。我只好很疑惑地推姐的手，要她确认此话真假。因为大我五岁，她对我儿时的记忆会比自己还清楚吧。

姐： “Okay let's just say that when you were small you were really very cute. And I mean small, like really little. ”

那车里是第二轮的震耳笑声。 -_-

小时的豪放长大后只剩下一堆自认保守又不完整的原则。我也念旧。尤其是当身边同龄朋友都已开始订婚结婚。感觉脑袋好老，却因单身而比他们都青春。这相应的矛盾让我念旧了。

因为在那没记忆的日子里，只有玩泥沙、荡秋千、装大人。

还有妈喂我吃饭后的那句 “饱了吗？”

2008-02-05T01:55:00.000+08:00

最近常听朋友们说他们一看到这段电视广告都会想起我。

麦当劳的新春广告

他们会想到我，也算有些温馨吧。所以都笑着回答： “我家团圆饭从来没那样啦！因为我们除夕中午就收工，哈哈！”

要过农历年了，还不快去买肉干！

香味

新年快乐！

2008-01-27T05:06:00.000+08:00

凌晨那段谈话就那么突然却又自然地开始和结束。

她眼里泛着泪。
我逼出一脸面无表情，因为在那一刻我似乎应该坚强。

用理智的句子去平衡她满满的感性。

她忘了桌上那熬了一天刚喝了半碗的药，站了。
走到房前把门打开，进去后小声把门关上。

我依然坐在沙发，抱着垫子，望着地板。

她站了，走进房了。
这有点突然，但其实是自然的。

因为她的泪，忍不住了。

我胸前感到浓浓的郁闷。
所以把垫子整理，然后进房。

坐在电脑前打着键盘。
打字声和不知觉静静流下的泪成了最大对比。
上一次这样边流泪边上MSN已是几年前的事。

视线模糊了。
在无声的文字中好友听到我的难受。
发泄。

洗个澡。
两点半了。

再到电脑前，上了搜狗网，下载《隐性的翅膀》。
然后在打这篇文字时重复播放。

眼皮肿得难过。好饿、好累。

睡觉吧。

耳机传来久别的玄略。真巧。
Sarah McLachlan。 Angel。

额头两边疼痛。好像脑袋被冲了无限量的气却又爆不开。
抱着胸口的沉重只想休息。

但这包袱让我给周公爽约。

闭上眼见到黑色的泪水。

我失眠了。

每一次都在徘徊孤单中坚强
每一次就算很受伤也不闪泪光
我知道我一直有双隐形的翅膀
带我飞飞过绝望

不去想他们拥有美丽的太阳
我看见每天的夕阳也会有变化
我知道我一直有双隐形的翅膀
带我飞给我希望

我终于看到所有梦想都开花
追逐的年轻歌声多嘹亮
我终于翱翔用心凝望不害怕
哪里会有风就飞多远吧

隐形的翅膀让梦恒久比天长
留一个愿望让自己想象

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
(you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here)

So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

2007-12-23T23:50:00.000+08:00

21 岁，对我而言真的不太吉利。
又再长大，又再面目全非。

我依然坚持人不需长命。重质不重量。
以往认定50岁就应到九泉下。
现在认为还是55吧。

因为想用那几年。。。
休假。

生。
死。

2007-12-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

Because I was called "racist".

Heck, having this in English is racist too.

----------

December seems to give people a sense of festivity and boundless joy. For the life of me, I just can't fathom this, although yes, I believe that God exists. December always make me feel crowded and compartmentalized. The month reminds me mainly, of people I know. Specifically, foreign friends and local friends who are overseas. December is never a one-way street of positivity, but a roundabout of flat gradient over different types of terrain. It becomes an intense period of knowing new foreign friends, and touching-base with those already acquainted. And then January arrives and everyone of us is sucked back into the habit of living.

[Looking back]

December 2003:
Sunburst Youth Camp - Singapore delegate

December 2004:
Attended finale of SYC and got grilled about The Break-Up and university choices

December 2005:
Sunburst Youth Camp - liaison officer

December 2006:
Singapore-Hong Kong International Youth Exchange Programme

December 2007:
Sunburst Youth Camp: Alumni Camp - participant

December is the month when I visit the airport. And the airport is the one place that encompasses life.

2007-12-07T00:02:00.000+08:00

桌上放着两杯牛奶和三文治。

男孩坐在电脑前打电玩。女孩坐在他身边，沉醉于书本的天马行空。

他喜欢趁她不注意时，把手伸过去，温柔疼惜地抚摸她的脸蛋，然后轻轻把她的头移到自己的肩膀上。她的思路被打断了，却只哼了一小声，很自然舒服地靠进他怀里。

因为女孩的唯一避风港就在男孩的怀里。

小俩口是甜蜜，是感动，也是平静的幸福。

但这世界是个完美的恶作剧。男人的肩膀有两个，所以天生注定不能专一。

女孩的幸福，注定没有一辈子。

只有瞬间，只有无底的骈体鳞伤。

2007-12-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

周一晚上十一点的地铁尾仓，只有十来位乘客。

在一个寂寞的角落，小男孩的手机重复播放《彩虹》。

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的声音这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开但能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

好简单的一首歌。简单的词句、简单的玄略、清晰的口齿。

却让那空气变成石头。

疲倦的乘客们低头默默深望。大家隔着座位，各自寻找自己的一块地板。

空气都感悲伤。

地铁仓里，是看不见彩虹的。

2007-12-03T02:36:00.000+08:00

Human beings don't ever grow up.
Whatever "grow up" means.

Thus in modernity, they get themselves into so-called romantic relationships.

Reserve the right and whims to behave like a child, and be parented.
Exercise logic and rationality to behave like an adult, and be a parent.

That's why couples hold hands and call each other "Baby".

The volatility of combined love and fear hence attains miraculous equilibrium.

2007-12-03T02:18:00.000+08:00

和我同龄的大学朋友认为我不尊重生命。

因为我赞成堕胎，赞成安乐死，也赞成死刑。

我大笑面对这条罪名，声带觉得好懒。

十四岁时决定的看法，七年后依然坚持。若把期中所有感想和思考内容搬出来为自己辩解，似乎对牛弹琴。

所以我只笑着回了一句。

“你还小啦!”

2007-11-26T03:12:00.000+08:00

I detest times like this. The brain goes into overdrive thinking of and about all sorts of ideas and issues, with none being of any relevance to examination topics.

And I got to thinking about the Satisfactory/Unsatisfactory Option at my university.

One word. Ridiculous.

But that's something for post-exam. Right now, think Inequality and Life Course!

2007-11-25T22:05:00.000+08:00

五位龙舟国手的尸体终于要回家了。

纳闷。

2007-11-25T21:03:00.000+08:00

寂寞的手机今晚陆续接来两通电话。廷可笑的，因为两段来电都是延续着不久前在网上的沟通。其中也穿插着大家对考试的概念。

第一通怀疑我在 MSN 答应过的事。

文科家教老师真难找，因该还是打通电话确定确定。

最后说了一句，等我考完试，再详细联络。

第二通一接听就是： “Samar is gone!” 。

Samar 是位于 Arab Street 的一家中东式饮料厅。去年十二月，香港朋友低新第一晚我们就把大伙儿带到哪儿品尝 sheesha，观赏阿拉伯式音乐表演。过后一直说要回去关顾，但最后我们都去尝试别的小巷别的新店。上两周两位朋友在 Facebook 留言，说等我考完试，大家一起回去叙叙旧。如今那地方不在了，本约好的社交煲汤了。和那组人在那地方的共同回忆，也就只能用照片回味了。

朋友说我们还是喝啤酒去。
最后说了一句，等我考完试，必定请我喝啤酒塔。

新科技带来的沟通方式，其实有点荒谬、有点捉摸不定。

而考试给人的感觉，也是荒谬。大家都各自捉摸不定。

2007-11-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

要准备搬家了。妈近来忙得很。上周把手脚不干净的员工炒了，还没找到新帮手，又要为新家的装修到处跑。

好一阵子没到店里帮忙，今午一去就感到手忙脚乱。还没进入状况就收到大哥的简讯。 "Mum bought rain shower!"

我笑傻了。我想哥也一样。

三个孩子都大了，妈也渐渐老了。

而老，也就是第二段童年吧。

2007-11-23T20:23:00.000+08:00

就为中学时期的那个他。
那个没能经起岁月的最佳友情。

蒲公英的约定

作词：方文山　作曲：周杰伦

小学篱芭旁的蒲公英　
是记忆里有味道的风景
午睡操场传来蝉的声音　
多少年后也还是很好听

将愿望折纸飞机寄成信　
因为我们等不到那流星
认真投决定命运的硬币　
却不知道到底能去哪里

一起长大的约定　
那样清晰　打过勾的我相信
说好要一起旅行　
是你如今　唯一坚持的任性

在走廊上罚站打手心　
我们却注意窗边的蜻蜓
我去到哪里你都跟很紧　
很多的梦在等待着进行

一起长大的约定　
那样真心　与你聊不完的曾经
而我已经分不清　
你是友情还是错过的爱情

因为那时我没你勇敢。
对不起，我们错过了。

2007-11-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

好痛苦的一段时间，内心一直有着些说不清的挣扎。莫名的沮丧与失落依然藏在灿烂笑容和冷笑话背后。我似乎变成了一只招财猫，见人就微笑挥手。

明天是这学期结束的开始。十五日后它不会把痛苦结束，但希望会带来瞬间的纯真。

就算那没能实现，至少它让憋着眼泪上课的日子到一段落。

然后，等待新学期来临。

2007-10-23T00:22:00.000+08:00

竹枝詞
　
唐劉禹錫

楊柳青青江水平　
聞郎江上唱歌聲　
東邊日出西邊雨　
道是無晴還有晴

2007-10-19T15:39:00.000+08:00

NINETEEN TWENTIES.
A short film by Elgin Ho.
Appreciate it at: http://www.yourfilm.sg/Watch.aspx?id=MzJQYXNzd29yZA==

2007-10-12T16:30:00.000+08:00

很想骂粗话。

2007-08-15T22:18:00.000+08:00

And t'was concealed.

2007-08-09T21:08:00.000+08:00

转眼间，大二开课了。

假期尾声的那晚发生的那些事，我也没有再去感觉。再坚强再有自略的人，也会有失控的时候。可能我看他的眼光会有改变，但至少这个星期证明我还能若无其事地和他谈话。

好了。

这假期我过生日了。
在社会的眼里，我是位成人了。
大二开课了。
我只想好好的把书念。

因为我从未能把岁月掌握。现在就尝试吧。

2007-05-22T16:24:00.000+08:00

I am in so many ways, too.bloody.not living.

(inspired by lin's entry)

2007-05-22T16:18:00.000+08:00

孤单是一个人的狂欢
狂欢是一群人的孤单

2007-05-19T22:22:00.000+08:00

I heard one speak of loneliness yesterday, and I heard of another's infidelity today.

And I wonder which one is more depressing.

2007-05-05T14:03:00.000+08:00

Assume means

making an ass of you and me.

2007-04-29T11:21:00.000+08:00

[On social enterprising youths in Singapore, and the efforts to encourage and groom them.]

I've come to the conclusion that the Singapore Bubble Tea Mentality is nearly a natural reflex of the populace, no matter the age.

Attending a certain youth nation-wide event (mass grassroots!) yesterday afternoon, my biggest take-away was the networking, with a possible internship currently being arranged. And this is kinda 'wrong' really, cos I went with the intention to hear the views and feel the drive of those young people, to cheer their confidence and applaud their creativity. (But of course networking too, because the world's really about guan xi, followed by gan qing.)

I heard their inarticulated views, truly felt the drive, cheered Inexperience and Sloppy, and applauded No Creativity.

Of the three finalists' social enterprise pitches, I have absolutely no idea what the first group wants to propose (tuition services? tour packages? HURH?), thought the second group's was good because the clarity of thoughts was evident, but the idea (Tingkat food catering), tried and tested. And the last group was into child labour. Not to mention their test on my attention span. Well at least they managed to test, the first group didn't even manage that (switch off, anyone?).

But that's not the point. The point is that tuitionservicestingkatsellingart as social enterprises are allofthem already engaged ideas. So was it simply a copy and paste situation? The Bubble Tea Mentality. "Oh that works well! Let's all jump onboard!"

Inarticulation we can give speech classes, Inexperience and Sloppy we can give exposure and etiquette classes, but Creativity? We need to change the entire socialization process.

Or maybe it's all about Drive.
Passion. Just like how Ms Penny Low of the Social Innovation Park put it.

Passion. Creativity.
I believe these two must be Siamese twins in order to function beneficially. And Siamese twins are unique aren't they? Yet still functional within society.

Let's burst the bubbles, and invent a warm mug of Singapore Tea.

2007-04-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

it's finally time to talkcock singsong playmahjong meetups watcharthouse readbarnes dinewell findjob gomalaysia beach cafedelmar partay!
and i can go on, but i'm too busy now =))

2007-04-18T03:16:00.000+08:00

Singapore has always been thought of as a society so affluent, you don't see the homeless on the streets at night. One assumes that even the few beggers you see during the day have proper shelter to return to.

While we all know that the homeless are "swept" under the carpet and yadayada, I want to offer a new view.

The homeless don't sleep on the streets, but in a MacDonalds joint near you.

2007-04-16T23:58:00.000+08:00

The heat rains down.

I wake, in a surreal dream sequence.

2007-04-16T19:15:00.000+08:00

Last-minute resigned anxiety.

I'm never a consistent, disciplined one; always in need of shock therapy.

This is when best friends do what they do best.
Motivate you, renew your confidence.
To keep you sane, and in good cheer. =)

2007-04-15T01:12:00.000+08:00

真的好敬佩方文山那独特优美的文笔。
用墨与音乐把中国古代历史景现代化，权势得淋漓尽致。

就如一位网友alinca留言：“冰冻三尺非一日之寒，要积累已经不容易，要用到其中的某一项也不容易，要将吸引大家眼前的东西做精美的搭配组合更非一日之工。”

2007-04-14T04:15:00.001+08:00

怎么好友们都这么现实？

听到‘消息’后，
R 的简讯叫我“上！”。
W 和我一起温书时问：
“Why you never consider arh?”

家庭背景
身分地位
豪宅名车

豪门就真有这么吸引？

新时代拜金奢侈的淡淡忧伤。
理智。选择。
爱情也不过如此。
是吧？

2007-04-13T03:16:00.000+08:00

夕阳西下。南大。

灰色四四方方的理智设计，平凡得像一座无情的工厂。但它这脸蛋数年前也算轰动一时。现在的它渐渐陈旧，可记忆却没忘了它的使命。

岁月流逝，但它的意义依然没改变。

教育工厂。

莫明的沮丧。

从另一个角度看现金社会的雄伟壮举，会舒服些吗？

2007-04-12T01:26:00.000+08:00

Brilliantly inspired!

I am absolutely exhilarated and fired-up, with my brain in overdrive and I feel high like fifty shots of espresso.

And then the image of me engaging bureaucratic bullcrap demanded an immediate frown.

An internal negotiation proceeded and three conditional clauses were agreed upon.

Positive responses from
1. The Ground
2. The Swap Corps
will infuse me with enough joy to smile and sip tea and sell my idea to
3. The Powers-That-Be-up-there-in-the-ivory-clouds

Post-Exam Project

2007-04-11T04:19:00.000+08:00

想淋场雨

想吹海风

想睡大觉

不想放弃

没意义中的含义

2007-04-10T02:08:00.000+08:00

两天后，会有那一瞬的放晴。

就两天。
就一瞬。

但这样也好。

雨后的天空。

2007-04-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

Simply following the rules, and playing the game.
For the countdown has started; hear the aggresive crowd stamping their feet.

Trepidation.
For that final push.

Run on, empty. Run on.
Sprint.

3 weeks to the close of a semester that has tremendously worn out its welcome, and the end of an academic year. Wonderful.

2007-03-29T23:24:00.000+08:00

可能我真的较适合
独自一人。

但，懦弱时又如何？
谁的心会陪伴？

2007-03-14T12:07:00.000+08:00

I tire of people who jump to wonderful egocentric conclusions without first clarifying with the other party(s) involved.

Bloody hell.

STOP JUMPING.

2007-03-01T14:07:00.000+08:00

爱情

原来的开始是陪伴

最后的维持也是陪伴

2007-02-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

送给好友的一首歌-- 林俊杰的《原来》。

我想，太多人在为儿女私情奔波，太多人在猜测、烦恼、哭泣。而大家也只求男孩和女孩都能拥有幸福。但，幸福的定义，又是什么？

在二月谈这门悲观，似乎不妥。所以写到这儿就好。不说了。

街灯绊住我眼前下一步
拉长的影子嘲弄的回顾
电话亭仍留着你的话
一句话掉一滴泪
今晚的我会是如何入睡

原来最疼痛的表情
竟是没有情绪
原来最残忍的画面
可以甜言蜜语
我不懂得如何更爱你
影子讽刺地跟着我难分难离
（跟我难分难离）

原来最孤单的是
我还是那么想你
原来最悲哀的是
我不能面对自己
你收的干净
我也会不留一点痕迹

说故事也要像是真的
可是别触动那些回忆
今夜你说了最后一句
一句话掉一滴泪
看来今晚的我很难入睡

2007-02-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

Hong Kong was a blast!

It also made me realised the full force of societal power.

2007-02-03T22:50:00.001+08:00

有一股冲动，想。。。

但，又没了。

我开始累了。

2007-01-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

So there I was at my local NTUC this evening, for the very first time.

Mission: To buy Yakult for a Hong Kong friend.
(In HK, Yakult is only available in ONE flavour- Original.)

So there I was carefully placing package after package into the basket (the total was SEVEN), when the Promoter Auntie said to me in Mandarin, "Wa, you're buying a lot. Thanks! Come, let me treat you to a bottle."

So I got a free bottle of Yakult.

Then I told the Auntie I was buying so much cos I'm bringing them to Hong Kong. (Lest she thought What's-up-with-this-girl. Haha.)

She replied "Oh you have to keep it cold. Wait let me give you this keep-warm-or-keep-cold carrier."

So I got a free vacuum carrier.

So I begin to think, this new neighbourhood that I'm living in truly has so much to offer me.

2007-01-14T02:41:00.000+08:00

3 significant events in 2006.

Matriculated at NTU. HSS.

Met 3 people whom I am wholly impressed with and truly respect. Namely, Prof Geoffery Benjamin, Lim Chee Han, and Ravi Shankar.

Marked the 14th (and last) year of living in Jurong West.

2007-01-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

I have a new personal project for a not-so-great 2007.

I shall master the art of 'niceness'. I shall be plastic.
Through all situations and all persons, no matter what emotion I'm feeling, I shall smile. Through happiness and bullshit, I shall smile. All that is. Smile.

Life is never about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.

2007-01-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

To feel nothing is the strongest emotion of all.

And that, is scary.

2006-12-24T00:11:00.000+08:00

请记得，我不是男生。
坚强和直爽也不只是哥儿们的专利。

2006-12-16T02:00:00.000+08:00

-The world of 13 and 14-year-olds.-

I were amused with one former student's MSN nickname.

(his friend's name), stop being childish!

I almost opened a chat window with him.
You see, I wanted to say... (his name), stop being childish!

2006-12-12T18:14:00.000+08:00

Freedom is ...
a child instinctively digging his nose on the MRT train, then breaking into a wide cherubic grin at the adult stranger beside him.

2006-12-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

有一股冲动，想到中国住个三五年，使劲生活、细心探索。

上海，或杭州。

尤其杭州。
哪儿的人、事、物都使我说不出话来。
时间像似停留，又像似消失，给我一种不可思议的感觉。

我想，那彻底的感动，就只能用一个字描绘 -- 家。

2006-12-07T13:45:00.000+08:00

一个星期了。
我都在为亲情、友情奔波。
真的好累。

刚醒来。
已经好久没睡得那么熟了。
这九小时的睡眠算是来得不宜吧。

今天只甚一半了。

今天，我只为自己。

2006-11-29T00:20:00.000+08:00

I must put this up! Rachel-best-all-weather-girlpal-hohoho is absolutely sweet and awesome!
It's already my holidays but that girl still has three more exam papers but look! what she sent to me over MSN this afternoon:

click here to appreciate Rachel's masterpiece

Tell me, is this cool or is this cool?
=)))

2006-11-23T22:42:00.000+08:00

真的受不了了，所以到海边去。
在那片欢乐笑声中，我和好姐妹找到轻松安静的心情，开始温书。
那儿人不太多，世界也就似乎忘记了我们。

-

新加坡的海滩，尤其圣淘沙的，真的非常荒谬。
或可能是自己太荒唐了。
还是两者都是？哈哈。

看看以下三段对话：

（1）
Me: This beach is really ridiculous!

Rachel: (engrossed in reading some radical ideas written by one Ivan Illich) Erm err… Yeah? Why?

Me: You see those humongous commercial floats in the water, a cargo ship in the background, an Apache just flew directly over us and there’s this food court right behind us. Hurh! This is a beach? Really ridiculous, man.

Rachel: Well, this is Singapore. Everything is about money.

（2）
We were walking around the food court aka neo-kopitiam aka Koufu, deciding what to eat.
Me: I can’t believe this, man. A food court at the beach. Weird.

Rachel: What’s beach food then? Those deep-fried finger food stuff? Eww.

Me: (kinda stumped) Okay, how about something like live seafood? Fresh oysters? (from the sea.) Oh wait, look, they have live seafood here! (imported from some neighbouring country)

We purchased our meals and got settled in big wooden armchairs.

Me: (glancing at Rachel’s fishball noodles) I still can’t believe it. This is so absurd.

Rachel: Haha. Shut up and eat your Ipoh horfun.

（3）
Rachel: Look at that peacock, (peacock perched on handrail of covered linkway) really so proud! Beautiful!

Me: Yeah. Doing what it does best. (looking at the bird sanctuary beside the beach tram stop) Wa the birds are really noisy. I feel like I’m at Jurong Bird Park.

By the way, can I please remind you that we were at Palawan Beach, Sentosa, Singapore?

Disclaimer: Rachel and I have the darndest conversations. The intellectual ones are too many and too long so I decided to show instead what happened when exams, the three grandpas of Sociology and the Sociology of Education got to us.

2006-11-22T22:46:00.000+08:00

The Family leaves the house every morning, and I'm left to study in total peace. Alone. Exams!

I've taken to holding silent conversations with myself. In my head. Left brain to right, front brain to back. With that occasional audible expression and gesture. To the walls. To my kitchen stove. To my laptop. My desk. My Soci textbook. Argh. Exams!

On the nights that I need to enter LalaWorld fast, I stare at the ceiling with my brain functioning at top speed. On nights that don't matter, plonk and I'm off. Either way, I dream weird weird weird quasi-dreams-nightmares. Queer. Exams!

2006-11-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

I don't speak English like a Singaporean.
I don't speak Mandarin like a Singaporean.
I can't hold a profound conversation in Hokkien.
I can't hold a profound conversation in French.
I have to consult the Coxford Dictionary of Singlish sometimes.

So what do these say?

2006-11-21T19:49:00.000+08:00

Gothe- “Qui ne connaît pas langue étrangère ne connaît pas la sienne.”
He who does not know a foreign language does not know his own.

I drew an absolute blank when I read the above sentence cos I can't seem to relate to what the fellow was trying to say. I have English, Chinese, Hokkien, French and Singlish in my life. So? Which is foreign and which is my own? And then again, so what? -_-

On a different note, yesterday's LF81 paper was trés trés difficile. Ma professeur, je vous en prie savez-moi, s'il vous plaît!

2006-11-19T21:35:00.000+08:00

I truly detest it when it rains, and stops, and rains, and stops, and rains, and stops. All within one afternoon.

Vous voyez le tableau?

2006-11-19T13:36:00.000+08:00

读了那篇博客，真被他的感伤和踏实、优美的文笔给感动了。

这感触特微妙，微细，却有淡淡的深含义。

2006-11-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

一对恋人，永远都对彼此不公平。

就因大家都有过去，一个对方不必要了解的过去。在不了解却知道一些的当儿，没有人会是幸福的。

简单的说，爱情的绝对就在于它那永恒的不绝对。

生命与生活，也不过如此。

2006-11-17T15:18:00.000+08:00

According to my HS102 Examination paper, I am a student of
Nanyang Techonological University.

Absolutely hilarious!
Don't believe me? Read the bolded word aloud!

Oh all those O oohs!

2006-11-17T15:02:00.000+08:00

‘A’水准大考的最后考卷，已是两年前的事了。

两年后的今天，我又上考场，为大一上学期交出所谓的成绩单。

久别了。

进了考场，坐下后四周朝望。同学们的紧张透过冷冷的空气也感受得到。但我似乎澄醉于自己的麻木，与两年前一样，算是没紧张吧。

两年前的我，学生生活过一天是一天，是个心灵疲惫的黄毛丫头，对书本厌倦，认为知识让人触感世间的悲哀，懂得越多，痛得越深。

两年后的我，自认依然没什么上进心，始终是懒。

但，跃过了当年的心境，现在才知道自己该做些什么，不该做些什么。
虽仁然有从前对知识的悲观，但现在加以认定，这般痛，绝对会彻彻底底值得。

非感谢我的超级乐观灵魂，阻止了我的面目全非。

做答当而感觉有些微妙，时不时感到有细细的慌，好像心不全专，失踏实。

不一样的时间，不一样的地点，可这游戏与它的玩法，规则，和人物依然没变。
唯一有变的，是那天文罗马字，好像慢慢开始有些重要信了。

2006-11-16T12:27:00.000+08:00

When walking along a corridor of office rooms, when one encounters an open door, this always happen:

Occupants of the room look up and out at the walkway.
Person/people walking past look into the room.

A second of intense staring, and all is past.

Such is our primate defensive/protective instincts.

How weird, actually.

The next time I'm in such a situation again, I shall yell "Hello! Howdy!" to the person(s) with whom I'm lucky enough to have shared an intense moment.

2006-11-15T13:31:00.000+08:00

Literature,
oxygen of my soul

Absent, you are.

Oh what the hell am I doing with/to myself.

2006-11-11T02:42:00.000+08:00

I just read some shites.
Reaction: Screaming isn't nearly enough.

What the fuck.

One would think that after all that high school crap and years gone by you would have become a wiser (and better?) person and realised for goodness bloody sake that there were two sides to the coin. But no. Wise up. You were never the good guy during that shite and I wished I never met you. My life would have been hell of a fucking lot different.

Oh why do I bother.

Breathe, and I gratefully remember that it's now another season. You're just another plain face in the massive crowd.

2006-11-10T00:24:00.000+08:00

I. Am a champion procrastinator.
Me. Is a champion procrastinator.

2006-11-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

I am extremely sick of getting the same grade over and over again.
hs101 and hs102. one grade covers two modules.

Self, get out of this stagnation. Smash that glass ceiling of mediocrity.

Bloody hell.

2006-11-06T02:33:00.000+08:00

I'm in deep shit because I only have a hundred words in the WinWord document titled hs101 research paper. Minimun a thousand words, but I already had a friend inform me that his has a total word count of TWO thousand. Deadline: 7 Nov, Tuesday.
Well done.

I seriously do not care about the NKF or Durai or any of his partners in crime and I am going to lobby for open research questions when the time for filling in the teaching survey form arrives. What's the point of a hundred odd papers on the NKF? We should have just been given the topic: Collective Impression Management. Fullstop. Period. Allow us to apply it to any organization, corporation, situation. Now that will be interesting.

I can't stand the silliness of tertiary education, sometimes.

2006-11-03T20:37:00.000+08:00

People shouldn't take things seriously in this world. They become sucked into the instruments of society. People should just sit and enjoy the company of another human being, and not sweat the little details that show up in the process.

I yearn for detachment, yet also, attachment.
Paradoxically, I've concluded (for now) that inherent emptiness will only be acheived with death. While one continues to exist, one is either detached or attached, or in between. There's no way that one can rise above these and be totally, absolutely empty.

-

I shared my after graduation plans with one pal yesterday. First time. Kinda radical, and I found it thought-provoking that she said she always thought I was different from other girls, since the day she met me in tutorial. I asked what she meant by "different", and she said she can't explain it, but simply, different.

I wonder how we perceive others and ourselves. And how frequently do we get it right? What's right?

-

The Singapore Universities Exchange Programme sounds good to me. Maybe I'll do it in my sophomore year. Why? Simply because I want to do some Philosophy modules. And only NUS offers Philosophy. I remembered vividly Ms Yap's advice after I received my 'A' Levels results. "You can read Philosophy in your leisure, there's no room to major in it in Singapore." How true.

-

I keep seeing people I know on television these days. Channel U, 10pm for the past few days I see Dave in his period costume and very long hair. In the trailers and pubicity for Project Superstar, Nat (the former NYJC SC Vice President) from Sunburst Youth Camp days is everywhere. I remembered that he and Huimin were blessed with great voices and how their talent contributed to the reputation of the Singapore delegation.

-

Assignments and Papers and Exams.
This semester is coming to a close...

2006-11-01T20:15:00.000+08:00

It's the time when "the world is spinning but I'm not", as Rachel succintly described once.

It's Wednesday. For the ten thousandth time, it's my longest day this semester.

The one lecture that I never looked forward to surprised me today. Londonism is in the progress of rebooting (I hope). Second last lecture of the semester and our dear prof finally managed to complete his lecture as planned. Other times, we left with so many slides unexplained. On top of that, he screened the best documentary ever- Ghosts of Rwanda. Sure it was focused on the failure of policy-making and all. But what a memorable film for sheltered, angsty punks like us, who sit in lecture theatres and bitch about professors and lament the pile of backlog. Pity we didn't get to view it in full.

The one tutorial that I never fail to look forward to surprised me today. Given that the topic of discussion was Religion, I thought I will encounter some original, extreme, maybe even radical ideas. Yet I felt like I was sitting through a pseudo-Bible lesson cum fo xue ban kinda wigwham. So not exciting. Oh whatever. It's still my favourite-est tutorial nonetheless.

It's November. 2006.
Already.

2006-10-19T21:29:00.000+08:00

Down to 2 research papers. Combined total of 2500-4000 words.

Exams in 3 weeks.

I have a wild urge to drop out of school.

2006-10-17T18:21:00.000+08:00

Hell week.

Tomorrow: 2 assignments due, 1 test
Thursday: 1 presentation
Friday through Monday: complete hs102 research essay
Monday onwards: complete hs101 research essay

Kill me, please, you procrastinator.

2006-10-13T00:15:00.000+08:00

surreal.
escapist.

me.
now.

ne parle pas jamais.

2006-10-07T20:03:00.000+08:00

I'm done with watching the Korean soap Goong (Princess Hours) DVDs and I need to return to reality and plant my feet firmly to the ground.

Before I go further, let me first declare that I'm not a fan of Korean dramas, in fact not a fan of any pop-culture-mass-produced-commercialised idols and what not. I simply don't "invest" in things like these.

And Gung will not change my mind. But I'd always thought the idea of a monarchy romantic (yes, I know the class divide its existence signifies, but hey, a girl has a right to have some princess-y fantasies, no?)

I have to come up with a topic for hs102 essay by today. So I'm not going to carry on.

Just one last line.
Watch Goong!

2006-10-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

Talking to Elizabeth made me (us, actually) realise how much we missed the people from our jc days. It struck me when we were talking about where whoever is and majoring in what discipline. For some reason, 03A1 had produced many Psychology majors. I wonder why.

Anyway, I must mention my Bitch Club! Haha. Angela, Yalan, Simon and me. We were the best (Simon) and the worst(me!) in our Math tutorial group in jj, and the Bitch Club was a sort of (pseudo) study group. (cos I never really did study in jc. haha. they did Math, while me? well, it's another story altogether.)

Yalan's in Law, Angela's in Psych, Simon wants to do Psych and Soci and I'm in Soci. Our meeting up was fabulous! I just love how our conversations were cerebral. And of course, I was fretting over my culture journal and we debated the issues and I walked away with so many more abstract ideas cos these people simply ignites my soul.

Woohoo. Now that my journal's submitted and I'd survived another Wednesday (my toughest day of the week), I'm really over the moon and I shall chill tonight and start brainstorming hs102 essay tomorrow after tutorials.

2006-10-04T03:25:00.000+08:00

Boy, am I relieved! Both hs102 and hw101 completed! In fact I exceeded the word limit and had to torture myself by deleting words.

I am so happy!

Just when I was about to go offline, Elizabeth came online! Elizabeth! omg! She made me so excited now I don't think I can fall asleep. Oh I! Don't! Care!

2006-10-03T19:18:00.000+08:00

I had 10 days to complete hs102 journal and hw101 assignment and I didn't. The deadline is tomorrow. All I have is 11 hours left. I really ought to be shot.

I have a serious problem with the word "culture". To the layman, it means everything and anything. From a sociological perspective, we need to find some tangible evidence for this intangible phenomena. And I had such a fabulous time contradicting myself with every single point that I came up with for the journal that my brains are about to explode. I typed three quarters of a page long and decided to change all my points and deflect to the other camp instead. Before I got down to doing so, I changed my mind again and decided to stick to what I had written. So now all I'm left with is to expand my points. In my attempt to be reflexive (note: attempt), I ended up writing 200 words on Singlish and half the time I had one sentence disagreeing with the next which disagrees with the next next. Oh shit.

And I have yet to even define "culture". WOW I'm great, ain't I. Right now, the first line in my paper is this "Culture is DEFINE." Yeah, I'm waiting for myself to fill it in. And the current final line reads "CONCLUSION. A rose by any other name is still a rose. BLAHBLAH."

I shall pray very hard that my final piece does not become contrived and hope very hard that by some miracle I can get an A-. Okay, at least a B+. Pretty please!

I spent so much time on this journal that I didn't really spend any on the 2000-word essay (19 days to the deadline!). Weightage in my final grade?
per journal= 3% and essay=25%

I so ought to shoot myself.

I love Wikipedia!

2006-09-23T02:08:00.000+08:00

I am truly thankful that I have yet to meet anyone in my course who do not like what they are doing now. Seriously, what are the odds that every single person you meet and actually have a decent conversation with actually likes/loves it? And that includes the portion of Science foundation people who had the same sentiments. -wow-

A simple collective sentiment, yet, how spurious and heartening.
The society creates the individual. Indeed.

2006-09-23T00:47:00.000+08:00

I want my hair in a bob cut. Black. Soft straight.
Now.

So bored.

Oh I'll get that done. Just not so soon. Haha.

2006-09-22T15:02:00.000+08:00

It was a bloody mistake to attend HW101 tutorial today. Louise and I skipped ours on Wed and decided to be a nerd and voluntarily attend another class and we sat through the two hours sighing and bitching and gossiping and rolling our eyes. Thank goodness for Louise and Bernice. What subtle entertainment. Haha!

I'm officaially on my recess now. And somehow the plentiful amount of free time makes me feel really lost. Too much time on my hands? But no, I have tonnes of assignments to complete. Let's see: HS101 paper (bloody hell we haven't been given the instructions yet.), HS102 paper, HS102 journal 3, HS102 readings, HS103 readings, HW101 assignment 2, LF81 exercises.

Okay, I realised I actually do not know where to start. Oh my. Screams. I. Need. A. Break.

Everyone who's reading this, as long as you are a human being, please tell me what, to you, is Singaporean culture? Does Singapore even have a culture?

2006-09-20T20:49:00.000+08:00

School's out! Okay, almost.
Only left with one tutorial tomorrow (HS101 tutorial was cancelled) and then it's mall and tea and to the airport to send Jamin off.

Goody. I can't wait to tidy up my room and catch up on my studies. My dismal showing in the HS103 quiz and LF81 test spoke volumes so deafening even a hearing-impaired could hear. So there.

Prayers for Thailand, Hungary and Taiwan.

2006-09-16T19:01:00.000+08:00

Londonism had struck again!

HS103 Mid-term quiz next Wednesday and Prof J.D.L. made the announcement only yesterday. And we have HS101 Mid-term quiz next Tuesday!
-GROANS